Stuck in Sloansville

© K.G.

When I woke up, I knew instinctively that I wasn't at home. I felt the hard ground below me. Concrete. Why was I sleeping on sidewalk when I had a comfy bed at home?
I opened my eyes and began to acess my surroundings. The first thing I noticed was a sign that read "Delancey's." "Wait a minute,"I thought,"Isn't that the bar where the precinct gang on "KF:TLC" hang out?" That meant I was in Sloansville??
"Impossible!" I exclaimed. There was only one way to find out. I hailed a cab, and told the driver to take me to the 101st Precinct. I paid the cabbie (where I gotthe money is beyond me), and found myself in front of the police building I'd seen so many times on T.V. i stood there just staring at it, then got up the courage to go insde. I gasped in disbelief as I saw all the familiar faces. There was Sgt. John Broderick at the front desk, and further back, I glimpsed Detc. s Skalaney and Powell. I was Kermit walking out of his office and I fainted. When I came to, I emitted a small scream of surprise. There, Chief Frank Strenlich and Detc. Kelly Blake were standing over me. They backed away a bit, hearing me scream, and I stopped to consider the situation. If I was stuck in Sloansville; if some force put me here for a readon unknown to me, I might as well make the best of it. Maybe I could even meet Kwai Chang Caine!
"Hello," I said calmly. "Sorry about that Chief. Detective."
"Not a problem," said Strenlich, "but I'd like to know why you are here."
His marine personality, meant to scare, only caused me to laugh. "Wouldn't we all," I murmured.
"What?" he questioned.
"Nothing," I said. "I would like to speak to Detective Kermit Griffin, if I could."
"You know Kermit?" he questioned. Then, withough waiting for me to answer, he went into Kermit's office.
"You can go in," said Strenlich, emerging from Griffin's office.
"Hello Detective Griffin," I said upon entering his office.
"Call me Kermit," he said non-chalantly, "everyone does.
"You wanted to see me?"
"Umm," I stuttered, "I need your help."
"What makes you think that I could, or would help you?" Kermit queried.
"One, you're a merc. Two, you're a cop. Three, You know Caine, and four, you're a good guy."I responded.
"I don't know about the 'good guy' part, but the rest is true. The question is, how did you know?"
"I'll tell you," I began, "but you might not believe me." With that, I unfolded the tale of my world, where he was on television, and how I went to bed, and woke up here. It occurred to me to wonder if my life was a television series here, but I didn't mention it.
"Nice story," he said, when I was finished, "but how can I believe you?"
"I could take a polygraph," I said, "but I don't think I need to. You've seen some pretty weird things with the Caine's," I countered,"Why, remember that guy who turned into a snake, or what about that black widow spider oman who had you in her spell. Then ther's..."
He broke me off there, "Yes, I remember, but why do you?"
"I told you," I replied, exasperated. I was beginning to think I should have asked for T.J. Kincaide. He, at least, believed in the paranormal. Then
"I don't know why- it defies all logic- but I believe you."
I wanted to hug him right then, but I doubted he'd be to keen on the idea.
"So, what do we do?" I inquired.
"I suppose we should see Caine, but he's out of town right now...In the meantime, I'll do some research on the computer and you can stay at my place."
I suppressed the urge to grin like an idiot. I was going to be staying iwth Kermit Griffin. Eating, breathing, and...sleeping in close proximity to The Man. How cool was that? Instead, I simply nodded, and thanked him for his hospitality.

"Oooh, this is where you and Karen!" I covered my mouth to stop myself.
"Look, I'm not too keen on the fact that I'm a character on a television show... I mean, what does that make my life? So let's not talk about it."
"Okay," I tried to make ammends,"but your whole life isn't shown, just some of the juicier bits, though not really with you, you're really mysterious, and we don't get to see where you go when you leae very often. And it's still your life, I mean, maybe this is another dimension, and my life is a TV show here...well, it'd probably be a soap opera, or in this case a sci-fi show, but..."
He placed his finger on my lips to stop my rambling. "Shh," he said, "It's okay. I don't know why this is happening, but we'll deal with it. I'm complaining about how hard it is for me, but it must be even harder for you."
The tears that I'd been holding back since the moment I'd arrived in Sloansville picked now to release. "I mean, I think it's cool I'm here but...what if I never get home?"
Kermit pulled me into his embrace. "We'll figure this out. I give you my word."
I choked back a sob, and wiped my eyes. I smiled at him. "Thanks," I said.
"Don't mention it," he smiled back.
We spent the rest of the night just hanging out. We tried to figure out how I got there, but we ended up getting distracted by other topics that came up. Kermit and I actually had a lot in common. It was really surprising. Sure, we both liked computers, but I didn't know he was just as voracious a reader as me, or that he used to play the guitar ("thought it would help pick up chicks," he'd laughed). Finally, at about 2 AM, he got up to leave. I had to ask him one last thing.
"There's a legend that you never reveal your eyes to an adversary," I said, staring into his sunglasses. "Do you consider me and adversary?"
He grabbed my hadnd, a hand that suddenly felt very small in his much larger one. Raising my hadn slowly to his face, he used it to slip off his glasses. He looked me directly in the eyes, a gaze that almost made me uncomfortable, almost made me turn away, but I couldn't. We were locked together for that one moment, frozen in time. We were from different worlds, didn't belong together, but in that moment, in that one moemtn, we were the only two people in the world.
"Does that answer your question?" I could have sworn his voice was husky. Then the moment was gone.
I shook my head to clear it, then grinned. "Yes," I blushed in anticipation of my next comment, "but what about the fact that you only take your glasses off when you go to bed?"
He laughed. "I am going to bed." He swatted me on the back of the head. "See you in the morning."