It was just an ordinary day in May. There was nothing to indicate that
this wonderful morning, would turn out to be any different then the others.
The birds chirped, the children played happily as their mothers warmed themselves in the golden gleam of the sun. Everything seemed to be perfect.
But for Kermit Griffin, former mercenary and now detective at the 101st precinct in Chinatown, it would become a day he would remember for the rest of his life.
The reason was a small bet he and another detective, Peter Caine, made
with Jody Powell and Mary Margaret Skalany while they were both feeling
a little drunk.
He had been so sure that he would win this bet, the thought he could lose never crossed his mind, but it did happen.
Once again he thought back to that fateful evening.
It was a warm Thursday evening. He had managed to decrypt a code at work
and he felt very good.
In order to celebrate Jody's birthday, her colleagues arranged to meet at Delancey's.
He decided to accept the invitation because he didn't feel like being alone. Alcohol flowed freely and Kermit drank more than he usually did. Finally, he and Peter landed at Jody's and Skalany's table.
They were having a friendly conversation until the mood suddenly changed. The subject of computers and the Internet came up. This was a subject in which Kermit was a master. He knew everything there was to know about computers, and he felt pretty confident that he and Peter would win this particular bet.
Jody had claimed there was a site on the net which meticulously listed all the adventures, that he and Peter had gone through.
Kermit shook his head and laughed at her remark.
He was absolutely sure: If this site really existed, he would have found it a long time ago. After all, he was the "master" when it came to the www. There was nothing he didn't know about computers and Internet.
The conversation became more and more heated. Jody stubbornly proclaimed
that the site existed while Kermit, being absolutely sure of himself,
said it didn't.
Later on, Peter and Skalany interfered as well. Peter sided with Kermit, while Skalany eagerly took Jody's side of the argument. Finally, it all came to a head.
Jody had glared at him with a snaky gleam in her eyes and declared, "So, if you are both so sure this site doesn't exist, how about a little bet?"
However, games of chance like these had never been Kermit's favorite
hobby, but before he could get a word in edgewise, Peter had interfered
with his big mouth.
He inquired curiously, "How about the wager?"
Jody smirked at him and replied, "You will find that out when the time comes. If you lose, we will set the wager, and if we lose, we will leave the wager in your hands. Now, what do you say?"
Kermit abruptly shook his head.
"On no way, Jody. I won't bet if I don't know what the wager is," he answered.
Skalany leaned over him and said loudly enough so that everyone in the small bar heard her, "What's the problem? You are so sure you know everything about computers and now you're afraid that you could lose the bet? Is the master, Kermit Griffin only a little coward who wouldn't even dare accept a tiny bet against the allegedly weaker sex?"
There was a deep silence through the room because of what Skalany said.
Everybody wanted to know how Kermit Griffin would react to such a challenge.
Nobody wanted to miss even one word of this now most interesting conversation. Most of them knew from experience how something like this could turn out, and they had a feeling it wasn't going to be pleasant.
Kermit's hands twitched. If there hadn't been so many spectators around, he would have strangled Skalany without hesitation, due to this impudent remark. He refused to believe that she had dared to speak to him in such a manner. Apart from the fact that she played with her life - she had put him in a somewhat difficult position.
Peter nudged him softly with his elbow in the ribs and laughed.
"Now, come on, Kermit. Don't be a spoilsport. Just think of all the possibilities open to us here! We can't lose the bet! We will have the twosome at our mercy, too. What more do you want?"
<Kid, you are lucky I don't break your arm,> Kermit thought in
Now Peter, too, virtually stabbed him in the back.
Voices got loud from all sides. Some firm, some only as a little peep.
These were the ones who had their experiences with a furious Kermit Griffin.
But all of them had only one in mind: They wanted him to accept.
Finally Kermit realized there was only one way to get out of this mess without making a fool of himself. He had to accept the bet!
His gruffly "Bet's on," started an exuberant dance of joy of the others in the bar
Suspiciously, he stared at the everyone around him. He always got distrustful when a crowd reacted like this. For him it seemed as if everyone had knowledge of what had happened, except him and Peter. And he, as well as Peter, were pushed in a fairly sophisticated trap.
He had to admit, his colleagues all had good reasons to pull a trick on him. He wasn't known for handling his coworkers considerately. This was one of the many reasons why he had an office of his own. And Peter, well, he was now part of it, too, thanks to his big flap.
The strong feeling tightened as somebody coincidentally pulled a laptop
out of a bag.
However, it was to late to take back his agreement. A more than bad feeling extended in his stomach.
A little while later on, Jody triumphantly showed him the website bargained
in the bet.
Kermit was taken totally aback. He couldn't believe how easily he had stepped into her trap. The whole thing looked more and more like a calculated ploy.
Grimly he decided to destroy this website for ever and ever the very
next morning. How could these people dare write about everything he and
Peter had experienced? Could this be true?
He didn't want to believe it. Unfortunately, he saw it in black and white right in front of his eyes.
<Time to do some investigation,> he decided ferociously.
Jody couldn't pretend not to be totally satisfied and said cheerfully, "Well, we have won the bet. You and Peter are at our mercy now. Make sure you arrive at the 101st on time tomorrow, then you will find out what you'll have to do."
Only Kermit knew how close Jody was to her death. It was not often that he had to fight so hard to keep his hands to himself, and not to put them around the neck of a certain person. All he could do at this very moment was to grin and bear it.
He of all people, the great Kermit Griffin, had been lead up the garden
path! He didn't feel well at the thought of what he would have to expect
As the insidious grin on Jody's and Skalany's faces attracted his attention, he wished he could make this bet go away!
With a start Kermit jerked back to reality. A short glance at his watch told him it was about time to get underway to the 101st.
On the way to his car, Kermit wished for the first time in a very, very long time that he had not relinquished his dangerous work as a mercenary. A little birdie whispered to him, that it was probably safer there than at the 101st at the moment.
Sighing Kermit put the ignition key into the lock of his beloved Corvair.
If he only could think of something to get himself out of this wager,
but he had no chance of escaping from it.
His destiny, at least in this direction, was sealed.
Barely 20 minutes later Kermit entered the 101st. Inconspicuously he
He was not surprised to see more of his coworkers present than usual. Everyone, whether or not he was on duty, was there.
The bad feeling in his stomach thickened.
Jody and Skalany came up to meet him with a smug grin. They seemed to
feel absolutely safe amid all the officers who they knew would give them
Kermit exchanged a suspicious glance with Peter, who stood barely one meter beside him, and indicated to him with a shrug and a nod of his head, that he also didn't know what they were up to.
"Good morning Kermit, glad to see that you're on time," Skalany
greeted him cheerfully.
He didn't even think to respond to her welcome. Suddenly, he felt the looks of all the employees on his back, except for Peter's.
Neither Jody nor Skalany seemed to be upset by his rude manner. Skalany swung a big white shopping bag in front of his nose.
"What's that?" Kermit asked against his will.
"Your bet," Jody answered innocently, "if you will be so kind as to follow us into your office, we will be happy to fill you in on what's in the bag."
Taken by surprise at her smug manner, Kermit followed Peter, Skalany
and Jody into his office.
It didn't often happen that he didn't know how he should react in a situation. But this one obviously was different.
<You really have got nerve today,> Kermit thought, while he followed the threesome into his personal sanctuary.
As soon as everyone had entered the narrow office, Skalany closed the
door which fell with a silent click into the lock.
Kermit couldn't help himself. This sound made him feel very uneasy. He didn't know why he thought so, but he guessed bad things were going to happen. Primarily because he noticed Skalany had chosen the strategic point next to the door, as if she wanted to prevent someone from leaving the office.
Not, that Kermit wouldn't succeed in leaving if he wanted to. It was
a well know fact that nothing and nobody could hold him back if he was
determined to do something.
But somehow, everything seemed to be different today. Something he couldn't define exactly, lay in the air. A subliminal tension which slowly but surely dragged at his already assaulted nerves.
Kermit jerked back from his thoughts as Peter said, "So, don't be so secretive Jody. What's in this bag?"
Kermit's attention turned to the desk on which Jody had placed the bag.
Her grin could only be described as extremely maliciously as she responded, "Take a look at it yourself."
Both, he and Peter, slowly stepped as one towards the desk, while Jody
quickly went in the opposite direction.
To Kermit, it looked as if she was getting ready to leave at the speed of light. It was almost as if she knew she would be in danger once he saw what was in the bag, and she wanted to be out of the danger zone.
It was Peter, who reached for the bag, turned it over and dumped the
contents on the desk.
Various garments appeared. One more weird than the other one, at least in the eyes of the men.
Kermit and Peter were speechless, they stared open mouthed at the garments which lay in front of them.
Laughter resounded from the door.
Jody couldn't hold back any longer, "What a pity, I forgot my camera. This is a real Kodak moment."
Kermit whirled around to face the two women. His eyes burned furiously, the glow could be seen despite his dark glasses.
"Don't you dare take one photo or I swear, as truly as I am standing here, I will free the world of your existence once and for all! If you think that I would put any of that crap on, then you are thoroughly mistaken," he rumbled.
At his intonation Peter retracted spontaneously, his head hung down between
However, the two women seemed not to be impressed by his outburst.
"Oh my! Kermit, you both lost this bet and now you must live with the consequences," Skalany replied.
"The hell I have to," Kermit growled.
With a voice soft like honey Jody interjected, "Kermit, betting debts are debts of honor. If you don't fulfill your bet now, then it means that you don't have any honor in your body. And everyone at the 101st will know. Besides, Peter hasn't complained!"
Only with a lot of effort was Peter able to restrain Kermit.
He looked liked a bulldozer that was ready to run right over Jody.
The two women winced this time, too. Primarily because of how this certain vein began to tap at his forehead. That was always a sign of highest alert and great danger.
"Come on Kermit. You don't want to go off a woman," Peter tried
to soothe his friend and colleague and placed a reassuring hand on his
"Keep your hands off, or you will lose a few fingers," Kermit growled infuriated.
"Kermit, please. You don't want to do this," Peter pleaded and quickly withdrew his hand.
The words showed some effect on Kermit, who actually calmed down a little. Much to the relief of all present persons.
Peter tried to defuse the situation completely by simply babbling further.
"And what do you want us to do with these? What do you expect from us? You really don't want to do this to us? You are kidding, right?"
Jody folded the arms in front of her chest and replied, "Well, we really don't demand much. You get yourselves changed. Your names are pinned to every garment, so you know whose dress is whose, then you go outdoors and wash our cars. That's it."
"No way," Kermit interjected. The tone of his voice could have cut steel.
Peter also protested loudly now.
"On no way, I won't do that either," he stated. Determination sparkled in his eyes.
The two women whispered to each other briefly and debated the issue.
Finally it was Jody who said, "Okay, but instead you have to walk around the 101st dressed in these clothes."
Kermit breathed in sharply. He felt as if his worst nightmares were coming
true at this very moment.
The two men exchanged a quick look. They hated what was expected of them. But somehow both of them knew that they didn't have any choice in the matter.
If they didn't fulfill this bet, they would lose the respect of their colleagues, that much was certainly clear to them.
Only one question remained. Did they want to lose the respect of their
fellow officers? Or, did they make themselves the mockery of the whole
squad, who by the way, couldn't wait for the show?
Kermit knew: Malicious-joy is the best of all joy.
No matter how they shifted or tried to turn it round, they both knew they had already lost.
Several minutes passed in silence. Over and over the looks of the two
men wandered on to the strange garments in front of their eyes and then
back to the two women who blocked their escape route.
One could really see how the wheels turned in their brains.
Finally Peter surrendered with a sigh.
"Okay, you've won. But only one round," he agreed.
The two women grinned like a Cheshire cat.
"And how about you Kermit? Honor or coward?" Jody challenged Kermit once more.
"I will get you, you can depend on it. And then you will curse the day, that you were born," Kermit threatened the two women instead of giving his consent.
His threat fell flat in mid air.
With quiet laughter and an impudent "See ya later," the two women closed Kermit's office door behind themselves, obviously totally unimpressed by his mood.
Almost ten minutes later, Kermit's office door opened in slow motion.
All work in the otherwise busy office, came to a perfect standstill. Each of the people present stared curiously at the door not knowing what to expect.
Peter was the first to appear in the door. A clearly miserable expression
on his face.
Laughter exploded around him.
Kermit emerged right behind him with a gloomy face.
"If someone dares to laugh, then I will stuff the Eagle into his throat so deeply, that it will reappear on the other side," he threatened brusquely.
The laughter immediately died.
Of course, he couldn't prevent most of his colleagues from trying to hide their grins behind their hands. He noticed one person hide behind the back of one of his colleagues and another one bent to pick up a pen, Kermit knew was intentionally dropped, to give this person a good hiding place to conceal his laughter.
However, he also realized that because he and Peter must have been a ridiculous sight to behold, it was difficult to stay serious. Jody and Skalany had obviously gone through a lot of trouble picking out their dresses.
"Look, I told you it would fit, I have a trained eye," Jody
whispered in Skalany's ear.
Both women regarded curiously the two very uncomfortable looking men.
Peter was subjected to a thorough going over first.
For him, Jody had picked out a glaring red top with a little dragon on the front which seemed to smile quite gibingly. He also wore a black miniskirt whose hem didn't even reach the middle of his thighs. His feet were stuck in black pumps with playful white sox that were decorated with pink ruches.
"He doesn't have bad looking legs but I'm really curious to see
what his rear end is going to look like,"
Jody whispered to Skalany while she was leering at Peter.
Then it was Kermit's turn to be scrutinized.
He looked like an alien from another planet, because he had refused to take off his green sunglasses.
For him Jody had picked out a brightly colored green top, printed with innumerable little frogs. The skirt she had chosen was a little bit longer than Peters. She felt it would look better since he was a bit older than his partner. When choosing the shoes she didn't have any pity. They were just as high as the ones Peter wore, black as well. But for Kermit of course, she chose green Bobby-socks with ruches. She thought they would go better with his personality.
Skalany's look rested on Kermit's legs which were, unlike Peter's, rather hairy and slightly bowlegged. His black hair shone in glaring contrast to the bright green of the Bobby-socks.
"Well, Kermit, maybe you should have thought to shave your legs this morning, too," Skalany burst out dryly, not able to hold her comment back anymore.
Complete silence followed Skalany's remark, but a few seconds later,
despite Kermit's previous threat, the whole bull pen broke into roaring
A few of the officers were already doubled over. Others had to hold onto their desks while the rest simply sank into their chairs, wiping the tears from their eyes.
Neither Peter nor Kermit knew how to react in this situation.
Kermit felt a hot redness shoot up into his face. This was something that hadn't happened to him in decades. He didn't know how long he could hold on to this motionless mask. He seriously wondered how women managed to walk in these things they called shoes! He couldn't believe that they would actually choose to wear them all day. He had only had them on for a few minutes, and his legs were already killing him. Not to mention that he was finding it harder and harder to keep his balance.
He decided to get the walk around the bull pen over as fast as possible, glad that the Eagle was kept safe in his drawer. This time, he wouldn't have taken any bet that said he wouldn't have used it on all the faces of his fellow cops who looked at him amused and grinning broadly.
<How could I let myself involve in this mess?> he complained to himself.
His first involuntary stop after a few meters was at Blake's desk.
These darned shoes! No living human could walk in these!
He felt his left ankle twist, and at the last second he was able to latch onto Blake's desk, whereby his skirt, because of the sudden movement, fluttered all the way up his leg to his hip.
At this moment, he revealed a secret of which many of his colleagues already had racked their brains. Yes, the gloomy, dangerous and mysterious Kermit Griffin truly wore green underwear. And the best part was: a picture of Kermit the frog was imprinted on the back.
Chin, who had the desk next to Blake's, whistled lewdly through his teeth
at the sight before them.
"Pretty panties, they go great with the Bobby-socks," he commented dryly.
He couldn't help it. It slipped out as soon as he saw Kermit the frog
on the back of the underwear.
Anyway, now he knew what he could give at the next meeting at the cracker-barrel.
Kermit threw Chin a look of death.
At the same time he threatened Blake, "Hold your tongue," when he saw that Blake was going to speak.
Blake kept quiet, but his amused look said it all.
Kermit hauled himself up with a somber expression, more determined than ever to get this roundabout journey over as fast as possible. Above all, he prayed that nothing else would happen to embarrass him further.
< If I had only washed my laundry earlier, than I wouldn't have had to put Mitch's present on. Well, at least I can tell her I really did wear them. I have enough witness to back me up. I'm sure they would all be more than happy to tell her how cute Kermit the frog looked on me!> he rebuked himself.
His intimidating appearance usually was enough to make everyone leaving him alone, but in this situation, everyone seemed to have lost their respect for him.
Lewd remarks flew from all sides.
Kermit took it all in with an emotionless face, but deep inside, he was boiling. Secretly he made a note for every comment that was thrown his way. He would remember who said what, and he vowed to pay them all back!
Blake waited until Kermit had walked a few feet from his desk. Then he
winked at Chin and opened his hand.
Chin had to hold back his laughter when he saw what Blake held in his hands. It was a tiny camera! One of Blake's favorite toys.
Chin silently mouthed the words, "Do you have everything?"
Blake merely nodded. A broad grin formed on his face while he continued to secretly shoot additional photos.
To see Kermit and Peter wandering around the bull pen in woman clothes, was certainly a moment which Blake felt had to be saved for all eternity.
One thing Blake knew for certain was that everyone would be scrambling to get a copy of these photos, especially the one of Kermit wearing his "special" underwear.
In the meantime Peter had decided to go in the opposite direction of
The first person who stepped in his way, was Strenlich.
"Ch...Chief," Peter stuttered, feeling more than a little sick to his stomach.
Strenlich looked at Peter from head to toe, a huge grin formed on his
"It's a good thing the Captain is at a symposium. All I have to say is, the dress certainly suits you."
Peter was silent. For the first time in a rather long time he was rendered
Peter wished he could drop dead at this very moment. He had never felt more embarrassed or humiliated in entire life.
Suddenly he heard Blake shout so the whole bull pen could hear him.
"What's wrong Peter? You suddenly have inhibitions? We all know you have experience dressing in woman clothes. Come on, now. Show us what you got!"
This caused a renewed outburst of laughter.
There was nothing else left for Peter to do, but go forward amid the
laughter of his colleagues.
He landed directly in front of Skalany and Jody, who seemed to be undressing him with their eyes.
"Gee Peter, I have to admit, you clearly have a feminine quality about yourself," Jody teased.
Instead of dignifying her comment with an answer, Peter whirled around swaying on the high heels, giving them a clear view of his rear end before stalking off.
Skalany nudged Jody softly with her elbow and whispered in her ear, "See, I told you, he has a cute scar right under his rear end."
Jody broke out in uncontrolled giggles. She knew exactly what Mary Margaret
meant. She thought back to the story of the bakery. Peter had taken off
all of his clothes to confuse a killer. Skalany couldn't wait to tell
her all about it. She had described the scene to her in very vivid detail!
Not even the furious look Kermit shot her from the other end of the room, could stop her from sinking into her chair in a fit of laughter.
Peter approached the two again on unsafe legs.
"What are you two laughing about?" he inquired sourly.
"Uh, Skalany just told me something I found funny," Jody tried to pull herself out of this mess.
"Oh, so I'm supposed to believe that you aren't laughing at me?"
Jody hid her laughter behind a cough.
"No of course we aren't laughing at you," she lied directly to his face.
Peter's nerves were frayed. It wasn't bad enough, that he had made a fool out of himself in these clothes, now he had to endure every detective in the squad room laughing at him.
"The hell with this!" he yelled, "I clearly can feel your eyes staring at my....."
Jody interrupted him in the middle of the sentence. She had spotted someone standing in the background and briskly interjected, "Peter, before you say another word, please turn around."
Peter turned wavering on his heels.
He turned white as chalk. His face then turned the color of an overripe tomato when he saw his father standing in front of him.
In all the time that he knew his father, this was the first time that his face lost some of its stoic composedness. The corners of his mouth twitched upwards, until even his colleagues noticed how difficult it was for his father to stay in control. They felt his willpower wavering as he tried not to laugh out loud at the view of his son, standing in front of him dressed like a woman.
"D...Dad," he croaked.
"My son," his father replied with a now clearly amused undertone in his voice, as he looked Peter up and down.
"W...w...what are you doing here?" Peter stuttered.
He desperately wished he could jump in a hole and hide.
"I... wanted to pick you up for lunch, but you and Kermit ... seem ... ah ... to be occupied," his father replied obviously straining to keep himself under control.
"I..I...I...," Peter was speechless.
Caine shrugged in his famous manner and replied, "I will go now."
With these words he turned round and rushed toward the exit.
He seemed to be in a great hurry to get away.
A few seconds later, loud laughter resounded in front of the door of the 101st. Everyone in the squad room heard it, including Peter.
For Peter and Kermit this was the signal they needed to get over the
rest of the tour.
With the speed of an express train, they staggered through the room to put an end on it.
Barely two minutes later Peter closed Kermit's office door with a relieved sigh, and immediately stripped the shoes from his feet.
Relief and shame alternated in Peter's face. Relief because his ordeal was finally over, but shame because his father had laughed so loud about him, that all his fellow detectives heard. That he simply couldn't forget.
He had quickly come to terms with everything. All the mocking comments
of his colleagues, the drooling looks of the women, but he was having
a hard time with the knowledge that his father had seen him dressed like
At what first seemed like harmless fun, had suddenly changed into a humiliating experience for him.
Peter sat on Kermit's desk chair and hid his head between his hands.
"Oh God, how did we let ourselves get involved in such a stupid predicament?" he moaned.
Kermit, who was hurrying to change his clothes stopped briefly.
"Very simple: Betting debts are debts of honor," he said, repeating Jody's remark.
"If I only had known that," Peter moaned once more.
Kermit merely shrugged.
"The heck with it! Take it like a man. There is nothing you can do to change it, and in time the mocking comments will stop. And if not," he paused a second, "I will take care of it!"
"But my father," Peter interjected.
"He is a Shambala master. He certainly has seen worse than your butt in a miniskirt," Kermit commented dryly.
Peter's depression suddenly changed into anger.
"If only I knew how to pay them back," he exclaimed and smashed his fist on the desk.
He hit it so hard that the computer keyboard rattled.
Kermit turned toward Peter and removed his sunglasses.
Looking directly into his eyes, Peter saw a fiendish grin suddenly spread across his face.
"Don't worry about that, kid. They are all on my list. Our revenge will come and believe me, it will be really ugly!"
The longer Peter stared in Kermit's expressive eyes, the more his features changed as well. Soon his grin was as diabolical as Kermit's.
"You already have something up your sleeve," Peter stated.
"Oh yeah," Kermit merely answered, "oh yeah!"
The end ?