Sender: gablemom@aol.com To: prodigalbro@aol.com Subject: Re: open arms Date: 11-13-96
Dear Kermit,
prodigalbro wrote 11-13-96:
>>First, let me apologize for not calling when I got back home yesterday. >>I heard Peter call you from the hotel and fill you in on the outcome of this >>particular battle.<<
Kermit, my dear brother, you don't have to apologize for having a broken heart. Peter did call to let me know you were safe and that you didn't go through with your plans. I'm happy on both counts. You mean more to me than you'll ever understand. Youıre with me in spirit even when you're out of sight for months.
>>All I could see was David, lying in that box in his dress blues; white and cold; defeated and dead.<<
I think you're wrong about that. David was NOT defeated. He was taking a stand against evil. David lost his physical battle but his victory is one of the soul. Right doesn't cease to exist because a body stops breathing. Larson's drug ring killed scores of young people, young boys and girls who didn't have a big brother to save them the way you saved David so long ago. Our baby brother took up their cause. He couldn't scoop up every runaway on the street but he could stop the pushers who drained their lives away. That was where his heart led him and I know he died doing what was right. Sometimes, just sometimes, that makes me feel better.
>>The badge he was so proud to wear. I'm just a cop because Blaisdell made >>me one. David was a cop because he lived it, believed it, honored it.<<
I knew the moment I saw David's badge on your desk where you were going,
what you were going to do. But you underestimate yourself. Perhaps Paul
'made you a cop' because you were one already. Albeit, you have NEVER
played by anyone's rules but your own but you are an honorable man. And
though you'd never admit it, championing the cause of the underdog has
always been your strength. (Notice I said strengthı not weaknessı.)
Envisioning yourself as Superman. (Iıll never ever get over the sight of
you diving off the hill behind our house when you were 10. Complete
with red cape and an Sı painted on your shirt. Did you actually think you
could fly?
>>If Caineıs wrong, if I do have the blood of a killer running through >>my veins,, how can I ever again think of my brother without shame?<<
If you choose not to believe Caine, then believe the one person who knows your heart. Me. Yes, you are acquainted with violence but YOU are a decent man. I have faith in your choices. In other words, you talk a good game but *I* know who you really are. You have no need to feel shame when you remember our brother. You honored each other.
>>He said, "This isn't for me, bro. I don't want it."<<
I hear his voice, too. Too bad I haven't listened too much lately.
>>Maybe this struggle is what I am. Just like that hurricane. If the winds cease to blow, the hurricane will no longer exist.<<
You are who you are. Don't apologize. At least you know what makes you tick. There is great wealth in that knowledge.
>>If I hadn't been so crazed at the time, I would have realized something >>was wrong. If you don't want to tell me via e-mail, then we'll talk when >>I drive up this weekend. And Iıll make a special effort not to glare at >>whatıs-his-name. (Sorry, couldnıt resist.)<<
Forget it. I suppose I'm not up to talking face to face about my drama either. You don't have to worry about 'what's-his-name.'
Darren is gone. He's been gone for weeks and I haven't said anything. The kids think he's away on business. Jason has been overjoyed. I have a litany of reasons from Darren; problems jumping into a ready-made family; never wanted to start a family this late in life (like I wasn't as shocked as he was)....blah, blah, blah. I think his new assistant had more to do with it than anything else...twenty, blonde, willing. You get the picture.
Want to hear something even more hysterical? He's pulling out every community property law on the books and wants half of The Gables. Always thought I'd be smarter after forty. This, evidently, was not to be. Rob must be doing back-flips in his grave. I'm so ashamed. I was just so lonely, Kermit. I let Rob down...and the kids.
You warned me but I didn't listen. Thought you were just pulling that same old 'touch my sister and die' garbage. You're the one who deserves an apology. On the day of the wedding I ate you alive when you told me there was still time to call it off and jump in the Corvair for a getaway. You never said another word. I'm sorry. Wish I could be here for you this weekend, but I'm simply not up to facing anyone with my stupidity reigning supreme throughout my home. Maybe we can talk in a couple of weeks. I have things to sort out myself.
Love you, too,
M